


samurai movie marathon with emotions

by kosmokuns



Category: Alex Rider (TV 2020), Alex Rider - Anthony Horowitz
Genre: Angst, Best Friends, Gen, Panic Attacks, Past Sexual Assault, Tom Harris Is A Good Bestfriend, and having a, i wrote it with that in mind but i dont think it warrants the slash tag, im starting that tag, its alex talking about what clone sasha does to him, just an all round feels fest, samurai movies, this could be romantic
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-01
Updated: 2020-07-01
Packaged: 2021-03-04 19:22:24
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,298
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25021606
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kosmokuns/pseuds/kosmokuns
Summary: Alex has a panic attack during a samurai movie marathon and Tom calms him down and they talk about why it happened.very much set in the tv verse but i thought i'd put it in the other tag too bc its quite sweet
Relationships: Tom Harris & Alex Rider
Comments: 3
Kudos: 69





	samurai movie marathon with emotions

Alex wasn’t going to say anything about it, to be honest. It was just going to go on the list of things that happened that he couldn’t talk about like being slapped or drugged or whatever it was with Kyra. But Tom is Tom, and Alex doesn’t like lying to him. Especially as Alex constantly feels like Tom deserves an explanation for all the habits he’s picked up, even though Tom has never stated that out loud. He’s good like that, just a steady presence of reassurance. However, Tom is a worrier and this he just can’t ignore.

They’re having a movie night when it happens.

A pizza box is left discarded on the floor. No anchovies, three slices left for Jack and two bottles of WKD because they’re teenagers. The movie is Tom’s pick, a samurai of sorts, and Alex is actually fairly engrossed in it. They’re bad movies, but he’ll make allowances for Tom. He always will. The popcorn is to the right of him, and Tom to the left. He’s curled himself into the corner with his knees up to his chest and his chin resting atop, eyes fixed on the screen. Tom is, not exactly sprawled, but taking up more space than Alex.

He leans over Alex to grab the popcorn, his arm bending around Alex’s body, hand outstretched. In an instant, Alex recoils and throws himself from the sofa to the floor, slamming his body into the hard wood. Landing on his side, he squeezes his eyes shut and tenses his muscles to the point of pain. Tom freezes, his arm having been slapped to the side, and his mouth drops open in shock. He furtively throws his gaze from one side of the room to the other, unsure of what to do. Alex doesn’t move.

Tom manoeuvres onto the floor next to Alex, he rests a hand on his side and Alex flinches and rolls himself backwards, whimpering,

“Okay,” Tom whispers, mostly to himself. This is far too fucked up for him to handle. “Alex,” He tries tentatively. He doesn’t get a response, “Alex, mate, it’s just me, it’s Tom.”

Alex stays frozen. His mind is going at five hundred miles a minute, the image of Sasha kissing him over and over again playing in his head. How her touch felt hot and wrong and he couldn’t get her to stop until she decided she wanted to. _Do you think I’m pretty?_ Tom’s voice doesn’t register. His breathing speeds up, he can feel his heart pounding in his chest. _Just like when she drugged you._ Panicking, his breathing increases again until he’s hyperventilating, and he doesn’t know what’s happening, but _why does this keep happening to him?_

Tom tries to recall the posters at school about panic attacks, he’s pretty sure that’s what this is, but his mind is not cooperating. Alex never had these before, it has to be about Point Blanc, he deduces. Either that or he’s a shit friend. Breathing exercises and counting things, that’s all he remembers.

“Alex, Alex you need to sit up,” He says, and Alex cracks his eyes open to stare at him. They’re frantic and thick with concern. Then it dawns on Tom, _Alex doesn’t know what’s going on, but you do._ “Okay, Al, you need to sit up,” He says and Alex nods, and tries to roll upwards. He doesn’t let go of his knees. Tom doesn’t want to touch him again, but Alex isn’t getting up by himself. He keeps his arm solidly on Alex’s shoulder and moves it there slowly so he can see it approaching.

Alex sits up, his eyes still glued on Tom’s.

“I think you’re having a panic attack,” Tom says, “You’re not dying. It’s going to be okay.” He reassures and Alex shakes his head, “Yes, it is, all you need to do is breathe in for four counts and out for four counts, alright?” He demonstrates, putting up four fingers as he inhales and then breathing out slowly, “You can do that, Alex, okay, you can do that.”

He does it again and Alex attempts it too but ends up choking and making an afraid squeak. He holds his arms out for a moment and then pulls them back into his side like he’d been bitten. Tom gets the message. He’s known Alex forever. He tangles his fingers into Alex’s and holds their hands out in the air between them, continuing to breath deeply.

Alex tries to keep up with Tom, it takes a few times, but he gets there eventually, Tom saying steady reassurances the whole way through. After what feels like hours he calms down enough to talk, barely,

“Water,” He gasps out, and cringes, “Please.”

“Of course,” Tom says and scrabbles off the floor to get some. He comes skidding back in and presses a glass into Alex’s hands. Alex takes a few sips and sets it down beside him and presses his hands into his eyes, a repressed sob racking his body, “Fuck, Alex.” Tom says and envelops him in a tight hug. Alex shoves his face into the crook of Tom’s neck and cries for the first time in weeks. It crashes over him in waves, anger and sadness and fear at the fact that he’ll never be just Alex again. He’s different. Changed.

“What was that, mate?” Tom asks, finally. Alex pulls his head back, red face and tear streaked cheeks, he wipes the back of his hand over his eyes,

“When I was at Point Blanc,” He starts and bites back, he sighs, “When I was there, we were watching this movie and this girl, well her clone it wasn’t really her, she came and sat beside me and she kissed me and I told her to stop but she _didn’t_ and it ended up with her drugging me. Tom, I can’t go through that again,” The last bit collapses into a sob, and Tom pulls him forward into a hug as he cries again,

“Alex, I’m so sorry,” He sounds legitimately distraught to Alex’s ears and rocks them gently back and forth, “I’m so sorry.”

Tom is horrified, he’s not going to say it, but he is. A little voice whispers at the back of his mind that Alex is keeping things from him, and he shuts it down. It’s not his decision to make what Alex talks about and what he doesn’t.

“This is so stupid,” Alex says through tears, and Tom grabs his shoulder and connects their eyes,

“No, Alex, it’s really not. What she did was wrong, your body your choice, man,” He cracks a smile at the end,

“Stop quoting Mr Ryans at me,” Alex says, with a little smile of his own. Tom raises an eyebrow,

“He’s not wrong, mate,” He replies sternly, and Alex searches his eyes, he finds sincerity, and relaxes minutely,

“I know, Tom, I know.” He manages a soft smile, “Thank you.” Tom shakes his head,

“It’s no problem, but if it happens again you have to tell someone,” He’s rubbing circles with his right hand on Alex’s shoulder and it grounds Alex,

“I will, I promise,” Alex replies, at this point, he just wants the panic attacks to stop, he has no issue in adhering to Tom’s wishes. Tom cocks his head to the side,

“I don’t know about you, but I’d like to finish the movie now,” He grins and winks at Alex who finds a laugh being startled out of himself and nods,

“Alright then,” He says, “Back to the sofa.” Tom gets up first and gives Alex a hand up.

Neither of them mention it when Tom shuffles closer to Alex with his body slightly angled towards him, and Alex doesn’t mind that much either.

**Author's Note:**

> ayo everyone i hope u are having a good day. i loved these besties (wink wink nudge nudge) a lot in the show and so i wanted to write them talking about a scene that really stuck out to me. keep social distancing and wearing a mask and find me on twt currently @btcbways (ahhh a bway stan run while you still can)
> 
> g x


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